Christ’s Ambassador

Though I am going to write from an African’s perspective, yet I would like to start from the story of the very first woman, the mother of all. Eve was seen and accepted by Adam as “the bones of my bones and flesh of my flesh”. This gave ascent to God’s purpose of creating woman in the first instance, that is, to make a helpful partner for the man. It was to be that women would be submissive to their husbands and men would love their wives as their own bodies, and this is the height of chivalry, for God is love. Had man and woman remained in this purpose and intent of God, chivalry would not have become an effigy of itself today.

Since this time when man lost the glory of God, women have also lost their position of honor by man’s side and have become relegated under him. All the efforts of women to regain the lost status have been based on man’s devices but man is innately bad. The heart of man is desperately wicked (Jer 17:9).

The dearth of courtesy towards women has been a gradual thing through the ages. In the olden days here in Africa, our culture knitted a lot of courtesy into the fabric of society to protect women. For example, tying of nuptial knot was conducted between the two families with great respect and honor for the woman. In the first instance, the groom would dare not take the audacity to go toast his prospective bride. It would be regarded as height of discourtesy. Instead, he would get an intermediary to start the talk.

It is also part of the courteous treatment of women that the man would never think of having a carnal knowledge of her till their wedding night, after which if she was found chaste, there would be a lot of celebration in the bride’s family because their daughter has made them proud. In the groom’s house again, the woman would garner a lot of respect for being virtuous. Until a man gets married, almost everything about the ways of the opposite sex is a promising adventure, a vision he holds dear while he looks forward to the day it will be unraveled to him with ecstasy. Even after marriage certain things are still regarded as women affairs which he knows next to nothing about. These, among others build up the courtesy ascribed to women wherever man sees them.

In the family, children are taught a lot of good rhymes that are instructive of the honor to be given to mothers and women in general. For example, mothers are described as jewel of inestimable value for the sacrificial love shown children, carrying them in the womb for nine months and on the back for 3 years. In those days, there was no cradle. Babies were strapped on the back of their mothers. This helped to develop bonding and great respect for mothers, and by inference, women. In gatherings where both genders were present, women were given a lot of honors. Even today, have you noticed how a group of male folks would keep silent, and be of good behaviors, if only to impress, as soon as a lady shows up?

Women were found mostly in trades and crafts that allowed them to fully maintain their roles as wives, mothers, and housekeepers. These roles in turn fetch for them great respect and admiration from their men and children. But the foregoing were mere samples of what obtained before the rot set in.

Perhaps one of the earliest enemies of chivalry was polygamy. What courtesy could a man claim to have for a woman he sees as mere vessel for bearing children or to satisfy his sexual urges? But these two factors among many have been the major motivations for men to marry more than one wife. In a polygamous setting, a woman loses her voice and right to talk. She doesn’t have an exclusive right to her husband’s body.  Even the girls among the children are raised with the feeling that they are inferior to the boys because they all live in a male chauvinistic environment promoted by polygamy.

Economic crisis, civilization and advancement in technology have contributed their quotas. Now,  women compete seriously with  men in all fields of endeavor, which is  a good thing, but is at the same time robbing them of their natural position as revered mothers, dutiful housewives, and doting partners that are always present to offer support and even shoulders for the men to cry on. Women are fast losing their softness. Now they are hardly at home to teach the boys how to show courtesy and to teach the girls what to do to receive courtesy. The foundation blocks of chivalry become weak right from the homes where they are being molded.

Women have even lunched a war against their God endowed womanly shapes. God gave them that dignifying shape with sufficient flesh in the right places, to bring poise, beauty, softness and sexuality, while at the same time affording them the ease to carry and nurse babies conveniently. Nowadays, majority of them want to appear straight and dry like men because some advertisers have said that’s the good shape to be in. They starve themselves in the name of dieting and undergo dangerous surgeries to reverse nature.

One of the worst factors is the skimpy dresses that women folk have now held dear. It is almost bothering on madness. Provocative dressing has become a big threat to the little remaining respect and honor given to the women folk. When a woman exposes her alluring body parts she is advertising herself as a sex object and the natural result of that is the current increase in rape and assault incidences. It is also one of the fuel driving prostitution and women trafficking trade. The media are also culpable. Almost every product advertisement on the tube and in print has one degrading photograph of women or the other and this goes a long way to indoctrinate the society in the wrong direction, most especially the youths.

An average youth today can only define chivalry in terms of standing up for the ladies to sit in class or in a crowded bus, opening the car door for their girlfriends on their first date and to call ladies first before the men in a social gathering as in “Ladies and gentlemen”. But chivalry is more than these outward shows. It is an etiquette which, sadly to say, is now comatose.

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